Monday, November 18, 2013

It Would be Better If There Were Men Here

Mom always loved to socialize. The interesting thing is that she never remarried after Daddy died. To this day she still wears a ring on her wedding finger. In the late 80's I finally talked her into wearing more of a cocktail ring on that finger in hopes men would not mistake that for a wedding ring. She still talks about Daddy in the present tense. When I reflect on her charisma, her beauty and her personality it really is noble of her to have loved my father that much but now being a wife and mother myself, I feel like she gave up a part of herself that she didn't need to.

Mom gets anxious. I always host a "girls only" cocktail party for my Birthday. This year I dedicated the party to my Mom thinking she would not be here next year. In the past she would always buy me something to wear (for the love of fashion) and get me a mushy card. This year she forgot entirely. The night of the party more than 30 girls were there. Most had either met my Mom at school pick up when she use to help get the kids home from school or they had run in to her at the kids games. None the less all my girlfriends were there that night to support me and say "hi" to her.

She called and tried to back out of coming over. She looks forward to things and then tends to get anxious and back out at the last minute. This is part of the disease, perhaps undiagnosed dementia? This night I insisted she come.

She arrived looking "like a million bucks". I escorted her out into the backyard and she beamed with excitement. I knew I had made the right decision. She loves people. Being isolated at home, not being able to drive and get out is like asking a singer to not sing again. Being social is her livelihood so we always try to find caregivers who can drive — even if it's just down el camino.

Mom loved the party. She nibbled on some food and even tried to show off and kiss me dancing around without her cane. But the best line of the night was when I over heard her saying to one of my girl friends, "It is a great party, but there are a lot of girls here — it would be even better if some men were invited". And so you have it. Living in the moment once again. Another bold statement that would not have slipped out of her lips before the disease. We are seeing her in her true state of mind. How refreshing.

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