Sunday, December 22, 2013

Eat. Pray. Love.

I would agree with the best selling author Elizabeth Gilbert that these three sensations are what makes life worth living — or perhaps fills us with pleasure beyond anything else.

Mom has loved to eat her entire life. Luckily for her, with her 5'9" height, slender shape, and legs that go on for days, she has never had to worry much about watching what she eats. As you all know one of her favorite things to do this past year was eat; "let's do lunch!". That is why it is sad to say, Mom has finally decided she is no longer hungry. Not even the temptation of her favorite meal — a cheeseburger and chocolate shake is getting an eyebrow raise.

The hospice staff and caregivers say we are moving in to the last phase of "active dying". This is the phase I have googled numerous times hoping to read something that is a different outcome.

Mom is spiritual. She is a member of the Congregational Church in downtown San Mateo. In fact, her and Dad got married there. When it came time to choosing a place for my wedding, there was no question. Shawn and I also got married there. And that church baptized me, my brother, Shawn and all my kids. Mom up until a year ago this month, had volunteered every Friday religiously in the church office helping to type up the Sunday bulletin. She is a wiz at shorthand and a super fast typer from her days being a legal secretary for all the judges in the San Mateo courthouse. You remember how spiritual she became the day the Minister visited our house a few weeks back.

I think the "Pray" part is covered not only by her, but by all of you. All the friends and family who have reached out online, by phone, by cards and physically visited. Mom and I are blessed by the people we surround ourselves with.

Love. Is there even a question? Friday was the last day that Mom was really chatty. Once again she had a lot to say. I recorded a few things that I think will bring a smile to your faces:

- It will be nice to finally get out of the house
- I see little valentines all over the place
- I need your room number in case I need to contact you
- I hope we don't have more than two blocks to go?
- Merci

These random words I don't think are random at all. I am convinced they are all things that she is thinking about and seeing on her journey.

Yesterday may have been the last day she could physically "see" us. They say sight goes before sound. Shawn and the kids came over.

She had woken up from a pretty deep state when we entered her room. It was such a surprise to see her baby blues again. She intently stared at each and everyone of us.  It was if she was talking to each of us without saying a word. Tyler. Then Chase. Back to Blake and over to Shawn. And always back to me. Shawn even cracked a joke that she was having a staring contest. I knew she was taking it all in perhaps one last time. I told her to take pictures with her eyes. I knew she knew what I meant.

Love filled the room.

Love will physically visit her today and everyday until Mom peacefully decides it's time for her to go on and "do lunch" again. As we all know — she is the one in charge.

1 comment:

  1. Betsy- you are so incredibly perceptive and loving. When you say "I told her to take pictures with her eyes. I knew she knew what I meant", all I can think is, I hope one day that someone can look at me and understand this kind of depth of thinking.
    Thanks for your beautiful thoughts and insight. And what a lucky mom you have.