Monday, January 6, 2014

The Stink Eye

Another week has passed. Even the caregiver who comes every Thursday and leaves again every Saturday says in her thick accent "I don't know. I just don't know Betsy. I have had numerous people die but I have never seen anyone like her". I hug Flora every Saturday, say goodbye, thank you and have a nice life — only to see her again every Thursday.

There is honestly no great fluffy story to tell this week simply because this isn't fun anymore. Mom sleeps most of the day and has very few clear moments. When she does, they are often insightful and sometimes humorous. She still laughs when Veronica, the other care giver, yells at her every morning to make sure she is still with us.

Saturday was tough. She awoke a few times to speak and very clearly said "Help me" numerous times. It really broke my heart. I finally responded by saying "I can't help you Mom. This is between you and God". Her eyebrows raised. Then she opened her eyes and looked at me and said "How do I get out of here?" It didn't take but a moment to very calmly and truthfully say "There is only one way out Mom". She looked at me for a while. I know she knew what that meant so she decided to give me the stink eye.

Tomorrow will be exactly one year to the day that her journey began with the first ER visit and my epiphany and first blog story about "The Silver Lining" — January 7th, 2013. The Hospice Aid says Mom only has a few more days.

What would you all do if you knew you only had a few days to live? I use to say I'd travel and see places I only dreamt of seeing but now I know my answer would be to be surrounded by all the people I love. But I definitely would have one last pina colada for the road...

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